


yellow

by Anonymous



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-07 17:59:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19090207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: A tale in sixteen parts.





	yellow

0.

Contrary to popular belief, it’s Mark who confesses first.

Donghyuck had liked Mark first and was open about it but it had been Mark who took it a step further. Jealousy being the trigger to a confession isn’t exactly ideal. Doing it over the phone, too. But Mark does it anyway. He sleeps with the stars behind his eyes that night.

The next day, they agree to meet. Donghyuck’s class finishes earlier than Mark does so he waits for Mark outside his classroom. A universe threatens to spill out of Donghyuck’s lips the moment they finally meet eyes. Mark realizes it’s the same look Donghyuck has given him for a year now and he’s only just opened his eyes now to look back.

“What do you want to change?” Donghyuck asks later, lovestruck fingers twined under the table. Mark looks at Donghyuck, sees a best friend and a lover all at once. Relationships are complicated but he’s certain they’ll get through it together, the same way they braved over problems in their friendship.

“Nothing,” he says back, smiling, squeezing Donghyuck’s hand. “Nothing at all.”

 

5.

Donghyuck greets him at exactly 11:59PM, a minute before Mark’s birthday officially ends. Donghyuck’s off in Jeju, exchanging cheek kisses with family members, while Mark’s remained to host a quiet barbeque party with his family in their picket-fenced front yard.

“You  _dick_ ,” Mark breathes, laughing, and relief exhausts off his bones. “I knew you were gonna pull up some trick like this.”

“Yeah?” Mark can hear the smirk in Donghyuck’s voice, “Bet you still fell for it anyway.” 

“Whatever,” Mark says, making himself comfortable in his bed. “It wasn’t a big deal.”

Donghyuck’s snort tells him he doesn’t buy it but he lets the topic go. “So,” he says, voice static through the phone, “Tell me about your day.”

So Mark does. These stories he collects just for Donghyuck, the same way he unknowingly did even when they were still friends. He stacks and files it away for later. Always in a place he’d never forget just so he and Donghyuck can exchange daily anecdotes and laugh themselves silly throughout the night. 

“I’m glad you had fun today,” Donghyuck yawns through his words, a soft purr that sends Mark’s heart parading in the night. He fondly says, “Happy birthday again, loser.”

 _Wish you were here_ is what he thinks of but instead he says, “Go to sleep, dork.” 

He’s pretty certain Donghyuck knows it even if Mark doesn’t say it anyway.

 

8.

“You know,” Donghyuck starts, “I was supposed to spend this day with my friends.”

His tone’s joking and Mark ignores the possible implication behind it. “Sorry, Hyuck,” Mark jokes back, “I’m stealing you from your friends today.” 

Donghyuck looks ahead. “So where are we going?”

 

6.

“I don’t understand,” Mark says, “I don’t understand him at all?”

Renjun doesn’t even look up from his puzzle as he says, “That’s pretty bad since you know, you’re in a relationship and all.”

“Exactly!” Mark groans. “I don’t see him at school at all, and he doesn’t respond to any of my texts. Not a single one. We didn’t even fight though? We were even laughing together Sunday night."

“You don’t see him at school because you’re too  _scared_ to actually seek him out,” Renjun says patiently, and it scaths Mark. He suddenly wants to step on Renjun’s puzzle. “Just wait for him outside his classroom, hyung, and talk to him. Ask him what is problem is. You can’t exactly solve things by just complaining and moping around.”

Mark huffs, stands up before he actually does step on Renjun’s puzzle out of spite. “Whatever,” he says, “I’ll do it. Thanks for the advice.”

When he talks to Donghyuck the next day, he finds out Donghyuck’s grandmother had died and he’d been mute about it to everyone. It’s not the first time he sees tears in Donghyuck’s eyes but he badly wants it to be the last time. Their supposed shut out, it seems, has been a bad case of miscommunication. He promises himself to be better for Donghyuck that day.

 

3.

Mark’s knees shake at the coldness of the cinema’s apparently abnormal air conditioner. Still, they stay to watch the movie. When he turns to Donghyuck, Donghyuck looks at him as well.

Mark laughs, flicking a popcorn in Donghyuck’s face. “Are you even watching the movie? Do you even know the story?”

Donghyuck’s nose scrunches. “Admittedly, no. I don’t understand the movie.”

Mark rolls his eyes, turns back to the movie.

“So I’ll watch you instead,” Donghyuck continues, and Mark argues the redness of his ears is because of the coldness of the cinema. He’s distracted the whole time.

 

9.

“Hey,” Mark says, “You free tomorrow?”

Donghyuck’s voice tumbles through the receiver. “Uh, I’m actually not sure,” he says, papers crumpling echoing in the phone, “I have an essay to finish for Philo and a debate to study for in Pol Sci. Maybe next time?”

Mark looks at his own homework, due two days but he’s finishing it anyway so he has time for himself and his friends and Donghyuck. Always Donghyuck. But people operate in different paces so he really can’t blame him. “Sure, sure,” Mark says faintly, “I’ll see you next time then. I’m actually quite busy too. Good luck with your stuff.”

“Yeah,” Donghyuck says, “Good luck with yours too. Bye.”

The line drops.

 

4.

It’s definitely the neon lights from the rides or the soft Christmas songs from the speakers, but there’s something different about this night.

“Hey, we should try this ride,” Donghyuck says, pointing to a tall needle-like rollercoaster.

“That’s, uh,” Mark gulps, “That’s a bad idea, don’t you think?”

“Not at all. Come on!” Donghyuck laughs, and suddenly he’s sliding his palm across Mark’s, pulling him along. It’s the first time they’d held hands after being officially together. Rain’s threatening to fall off the sky, his heart threatening to jump off his chest too. It’s because of the ride, he tells himself.

He looks down at their intertwined fingers, twines it much tighter. Definitely because of the ride, this flutter in his chest.

  
  
7.

Mark looks at his phone, sees 0 notifications. He places it back down again.

“You okay, hyung?” Jeno whispers, looking up from his homework. The library’s packed today, but not with a certain face he’d like to see. It’s almost been two weeks, conflicting schedules and all.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Mark smiles.

  
  
13.

“Boo!”

Mark jumps up from his seat, looks at the owner of the voice. It’s Donghyuck with the most devillish look on his face. “Fuck you,” Mark says but with no heat. Donghyuck laughs as he slides on the chair next to him.

“Hey, by the way, Lucas is coming for a bit because he’s handing over the USB for a project,” Mark says, toying with the straw on his drink. “That cool?”

Donghyuck blinks. “Yeah, yeah. That’s absolutely fine.”

They spend the rest of the night chatting and laughing, not even noticing the time. Lucas comes a wee bit late, his hair a bird’s nest around his head. “Sorry,” he rasps, obviously having ran all the way over here, “I slept in. Forgot we were meeting up.”

“That’s okay,” Mark says, then looks at Donghyuck. Donghyuck’s frowning at his phone.

“I have to go,” he says, eyes glazing over Mark. “Mom wants me home in 10 minutes because she’s leaving and there’s no one to take care of Seokhee.”

“Oh, okay,” Mark says. “You can go ahead. Do you want me to walk you to the bus stop?”

Donghyuck tucks his phone in his pocket, gives him a smile. “No thank you, I’ll be fine. See you next time!” He runs off, his hair bouncing in his head. Mark turns to Lucas and they discuss the project.

  
  


11.

“Aren’t we gonna go back to our classrooms?” Donghyuck asks, flicking leftover rice off the table. Mark slaps his hand off.

“There’s still like, 20 mins before lunch end,” Mark says.

Donghyuck shrugs. “Dunno. I think I have some leftover assignment I still haven’t done. I need to check.”

“Okay,” Mark concedes, standing up. Foot traffic in the canteen’s a tough one to brave but they get up to leave anyway. “Yeah, we probably should go.”

  
  


12.

“Did you see the trailer for the new movie?” Mark asks over the phone excitedly.

“Yeah,” Donghyuck hums, “It looks promising. There’s still a month before it comes out though.”

Mark splays his fingers over his head, counts peeling paint off the ceiling wall. “It’s in the 27th,” Mark says, “Let’s watch it in that new cinema in town.”

“Sure,” Donghyuck says. “Okay, let’s do that.”

 

14.

Donghyuck breaks it to him quietly. “I think we should stop seeing each other.”

It’s a punch in the gut, his breath knocked off his lungs. Mark knew they were never gonna last but it still hurts anyway. These past few weeks he’d felt as if everything had been one-sided and his gut feeling was right all along. “Okay,” he says shakily, “Okay. Can I at least get a reason for now?”

“It’s just…” Donghyuck says, and if Mark closes his eyes he can imagine Donghyuck’s frown across the phone, “I don’t know. I wasn’t unhappy but I feel like I’ve been very unfair to you.”

Mark says, “That’s not true.”

“No, it is. It’s okay,” Donghyuck says, “Whenever I see you making an effort and I do nothing back it makes me feel bad. It makes me hate myself even more. I keep on thinking that you deserve better.”

Mark doesn’t say,  _then why can’t you be better for me?_

“The night we met up,” Donghyuck says, “A week ago. I was supposed to already break up with you then. I had a speech prepared and all. But then you said Lucas was coming and I couldn’t risk everything being awkward when he finally comes. Then my mother had to tell me I had to come home early so I didn’t really get the chance to talk to you,” Donghyuck adds, “I’m sorry for dragging this on.”

Mark remembers that night. It had been the first time they’d meet in a week. The laughter and easy banter had all been a premise to what was supposed to come. Mark wouldn’t have known what hit him.

“Look, let’s just,” Donghyuck sighs, “Let’s just talk about this when we have the time okay? We’re both busy this week but I’ll find a way to talk to you, I promise.”

Mark still feels vines constricting his lungs. “Okay.”

“Okay.”

Mark’s the one who ends the call. He doesn’t want to but it happens anyway: the sobs come off his mouth, wrecked, chest tightening painfully. He washes the floor with his tears, wishes he could wash his feelings off as well. Everything’s so, so unfair.

The sun collects his tears in the morning. 

 

1.

“Hey,” Donghyuck whispers, poking the top of Mark’s head, “Hey, let’s not… hide, okay?”

Mark looks up, squints at Donghyuck through the sun. School’s sleepy, and the programs for the current event bored them to death so they decided to sleep somewhere hidden instead. “You want us to go back to the auditorium?” he asks, confused.

“No, silly,” Donghyuck laughs, “I meant us. I know you don’t want a lot of people to know but let’s not hide, okay? Let’s not tell them outright but let’s not deny either.”

Donghyuck’s eyelashes flutter wispily. Suspended in the light, they look like angel wings. Donghyuck’s eyes a pair of halos. Mark resists the urge to touch his cheek. At that moment he’s stuck between wanting the whole world to know and keeping it to themselves. It’s complicated, this feeling.

“Yeah, okay,” Mark breathes sunbeams off his lips, “Okay.”

 

15.

Donghyuck says it’s a case of bad timing. Mark had confessed when Donghyuck had already started moving on. Donghyuck decided to try out the relationship since he still had leftover feelings but eventually realized he’d mostly moved on.

“Why only now? I wanted to ask you,” Donghyuck said, “Why’d you reciprocate only now when I’m finally starting to let go?”

They don’t speak after that. Everything’s already been discussed, and they’re just waiting for time to tick. For the hour to pass by quick. The sun hits Donghyuck’s face the way it did when they first talked about what their relationship would be like, and Mark wants to do nothing but brush the rogue eyelash off his cheek.

He doesn’t.

“Are we gonna stop talking?” Donghyuck asks, and Mark knows he isn’t talking about the conversation they’re not having now. They’re talking about their whole friendship. On the line.

“No, I don’t think that’s fair,” Mark says, looking ahead. “But for now I think it’s better if we don’t message each other everyday. That’d make things hard,” he whispers. “Very hard to move on.”

Donghyuck nods absentmindedly. “Yeah, sure. Okay.”

“Hey, after this, are you certain you can do it? That you’ll see me just as a friend?” Mark says, “Just a friend and nothing more? With no feelings at all involved?”

Donghyuck pauses, doesn’t talk for almost a minute. Then, he says softly, “I’ll try.”

The little pause doesn’t bother Mark at first but only begins to bug him when Donghyuck finally walks off into the light, away for the summer and hopefully not from Mark’s life. Mark will question for the next few nights why Donghyuck hesitated but will never get an answer.

_I’ll try._

Mark clenches his fingers, tries to calm the storm in his mind.  _Don’t just try, do it._

 

2.

“Promise that we’ll end this when someone starts getting hurt, okay?” Donghyuck says. “Whether unintentionally or not.”

“Yeah, okay,” Mark tells him. “Problems come in every relationship though so let’s just try to brave through it first.”

Donghyuck smiles, “Yeah but when it really starts to hurt, we stop, okay?”

Mark isn’t worried at all. He knows Donghyuck like the back of his own hand. “Okay,” he agrees.

 

16.

He thanks the clerk, clenches his own jacket protecting him against the cold. His seat’s in the middle, the best in the house, but there’s no one beside him.

Mark watches the new movie alone.

 

10.

Donghyuck doesn’t text him good night, and although Mark has a feeling it’s the first sign that he’s losing Donghyuck, he chalks it up to them both being busy.

He has a hundred reasons to leave but he stays anyway.

Summer’s gonna be kinder to them, he decides.

**Author's Note:**

> 1 terribly written but needed to let shit out  
> 2 wanted to publish but didnt want it associated wt my acct
> 
> so here i am. take a guess if u wanna. ty for reading :-)


End file.
